Feeding Your Enemy
This week in missional communities, we read an abridged article from Dr. Dan Allender on forgiveness. Thinking about true forgiveness is challenging, and Allender has done a lot of good theological and practical work on the subject as a seminary-trained counselor. If you'd like to read the full text of his article, you can do so here.
posted by Bob | 10:06 AM
8 Comments:
A woman is sexually abused as a child. Later, a grown woman, she is counseled to forgive the man. He has never apologized. He has shown no remorse.
1. Should we forgive absent repentence?
2. Since YHWH made such a crime punishable by death why should he not be killed?
3. Should "forgiveness" be seperated from justice - i.e. should we forgive him before he is punished?
4. Are we called to forgive unconditionally and does that mean we are to never call the police, never sue in court, never resist a violent act against us?
Thinking out loud, so maybe I'm wrong on some things here. But...
1. yes, I think...
2. we're not OT Israel. If we were, we should also kill children for disrespecting their parents
3. yes, forgivness with the prerequisite of punishment to the offending party doesn't seem like forgivness at all...
4. forgivness does not mean we don't call the police, sue, or resist a violent act. that seems like passivity, not forgivness.
Anonymous asks some god questions, although it could seem like they are merely asked to make this idea of forgiveness sound like a wussy, warm-fuzzy, feel good message. I think it is most definately not.
1. Yes, in the passage we looked at in our MC this week (Matthew 18:21-33) it seems that Peter is looking for a reason not to forgive someone. He asks when has he forgiven enough. Jesus replies, in essence, you can't forgive enough (I don't think that we are really supposed to make sure we forgive 77 times and stop, the passage can also read "seventy times seven" which is 490). We also read in Romans 5:8 "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Dies for us, paying for our sins, offering forgiveness before we have repented. However, forgiving someone does not neccesarily mean you should continue a relationship with them, especially an abusive relationship.
2. Even though we are not in OT Israel, this is a crime that God very obviously detests, and the Apostle Paul certainly doesn't take a more lenient stance (2 Timothy 3:1-9)
3. It seems to me that forgiveness in this context means forgiving the offence against you. You cannot forgive on someone elses behalf. If I forgive a person and do not hold them accountable to me that does not mean that God, or the state, or anyone else, will not hold them accountable.
4. As I said above, forgiveness is about not holding grudges. That doesn't mean you can't defend yourself, or your property.
Thanks for weighing in. I have struggled with these questions.
Its good to struggle though.
Jed - thanks for the verses to review. I'm sure glad I'm forgiven . . . but I'm a pragmatic person by nature and I got to make it fit as best I can so I can wear my beliefs - you know? I have to understand what the expectation is. YHWH wants us to promote justice. And forgiveness. So I'm trying to find the balance (isn't it all almost about balance?)
Anyway, I do think the idea of one man, forgiving another man, absent repentence is a warm-fuzzy. And I might even cop to the wussy bit, too.
Thanks for your thoughts.
i guess my question is sort of on the flip side - i have certain mistakes that i seem to make over and over again, even hurting the same people in the same ways, despite my strong love for them and desire to live for the Glory of God. what is the best way for one to deal with character issues that never seem to be resolved (i.e. anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, or other ways we hurt those we love)? i guess it goes back to the repentance question from awhile back, when i was struggling with the same issues that felt like they persisted despite confession, repentance, and accountability.
ivan, 23, male, problematic
Ivan, I struggle with this, too. my example is anger. I would get mad, then ask forgiveness from God and the person I was mad at and then I would get mad again. I've learned (thru summer MC) that there is a deeper issue to my anger and when I can pinpoint what that is (for me-control) then I began to actually change my behavior. I'm not saying i'm 100% anger-free yet, but I'm questioning why I'm getting angry before blowing up and changing how I react to things. It's a slow process for me but maybe pinpointing the real issue could help change whatever you struggle with as well...
Laura
Regarding reconciliation, I recognized something I hadn’t before- that what compassion and love looks like toward the one who wronged me- my enemy- is to see that person freed from sin and its consequences. His sin alienated him from God, even though it was committed against me. The sin is born of an idolatrous desire in his heart, a manifestation of his attempt to get something found only in Christ from somewhere or something else. Love for him is a desire to see him repent of idolatry and turn back to Christ in worship. Only when the offender is reconciled to the Father can we be reconciled. The relationship of first importance when someone sins against me is not ours, but his and God's!
The amazing thing is that for this to happen, we need to get out of the way, and that means refraining from executing justice- from punishing the offender. We lay down our right and at the same time call the person, in love, to repentance - as one who sees the cancer of sin in them and wants wholeness and health found only in Christ for them. We have a unique opportunity to serve God when we are wronged. To respond to an offense with compassion and love instead of anger and retribution is so contrary, so unexpected, that it must arouse astonishment, conviction, and curiosity in all but the hardest hearts. In this relational context, the rich truth and relevance of the Gospel cannot be ignored. Grace illuminates the darkness of those blind to the present and pervasive reality of the Kingdom in a way that our retribution never could.
When I refuse to relinquish my right to justice, I stand in the way of this revelation of God’s Kingdom to the sinner. As long as I insist that the matter is between us, then the more serious issue- the offender at odds with God- is obscured. Our refusal to forgive prevents an opportunity for a sinner to repent and be reconciled to God- no wonder we are warned that we are forgiven only as we forgive!
As the article says, we can only do this as we know the great debt of sin we are forgiven in Christ. The only paradigm from which we can offer real mercy is one aware of God’s much greater mercy to us. Our ability to show mercy is therefore found in God’s mercy- and thus, to His glory.
i appreciate the reminder that "we are forgiven only as we forgive." though lane was addressing another issue than my question, i think the root of my problem might deal with difficulty forgiving issues from the past (sometimes the deep past) and using that as justification for my behavior in the present.
i also appreciated will's remark this week that, even knowing our motives are tainted with human desire for reward and acknowledgement, all we can do is move forward in faith trusting that Agape will be the result when we act out of love. i think that is my mission for this week.
ivan, 23, male, slightly caffienated
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