Catch-22
I was talking with a friend in Coram Deo this week who struggles with doubt and a critical spirit. When it comes to grace, he's in a catch-22 cycle. I wonder if you can relate:
The answer is that he needs to learn how to live in grace. He insightfully noted that this is most easily learned in community, by watching others live in grace. But when you don't trust a community and are critical and doubtful toward them... well, you see the connection.
Have any of you been here before? Can you offer some insight? He wants to break the cycle, and I want to help him. But I must admit, at this point we are both frustrated.
Doesn't live in grace (critical, doubtful, hard on himself)
Therefore...
Can't offer grace to others (critical and doubtful of others)
Therefore...
Can't trust a community (won't give them grace to fail)
Therefore...
Can't learn grace from others
Therefore... the cycle repeats.
The answer is that he needs to learn how to live in grace. He insightfully noted that this is most easily learned in community, by watching others live in grace. But when you don't trust a community and are critical and doubtful toward them... well, you see the connection.
Have any of you been here before? Can you offer some insight? He wants to break the cycle, and I want to help him. But I must admit, at this point we are both frustrated.
posted by Bob | 6:43 AM
8 Comments:
The only idea I got is maybe just offer tons of encouragement to this guy. Not fake stuff, but real, honest encouragement, compliments, good things you think of him. This may help him with that third step in the cycle, with trusting community. That way if one of you screws up, he can recognize that "They dont really dislike me. They didn't sin against me to hurt me, I know they love me they just made a mistake" He will begin to give grace to community. I may have oversimplified this, but encouragement never hurt anyone.
I have to disagree with the above commenter. This guy doesn't need a "support group." He needs to come to grips with who he is. First, living critically is, in its ultimate sense, self-worship. He needs constant affirmation of his critical spirit because he is worshipping himself instead of the Almighty God. That is the cycle he has to break. To live in "grace" is to recognize the Creator-creature relationship. It is a change from living independantly to living in a state of dependence. This is what he needs to come to grips with. There are practical ways to do this, not just theory, but it is going to take hard work. He needs to lay himself aside, to "kill himself" as he lives in independence. There are several routes to go about this. First, knowledge helps to a degree. God is the only real, the true, and beautiful. When we have the knowledge and seek to live out the knowledge that we are made in His image, then, from a creaturely perspective, we can now see what is real, true, beautiful. A consistently critical spirit is one that does not recognize this distinction. This perspective (creaturely perspective), if exercised in dependence, leads to fredom and a life of grace. It is coming to grips with the almighty God. When the knowledge is corrected in faith and through the Holy Spirit and by much prayer, then one learns to exercise "grace" in life through service to others and through living a life worthy of being a disciple of Christ. This is awesome! There are so many other variables, but I think ultimately, it is a decision whether or not we choose to life in proper relationship with our Savior. Ultimately, it is a life of dependence.
If he likes to read, I would recommend "The Search For Significance" by Robert S. McGee... only if he likes to read though.
Even if he DOESN'T like to read, I would STILL recommend that book. It's FANTASTIC!!
I have to agree with the anonymous comment. Grace is something that I have had a hard time with. I agree that it must start from self perception. I am not the biggest fan of my own product. Therefore, when I get compliments, I tend to believe that they are not real and are said because people are "nice". Additionally, this has create a distrust in the community of people around me. When this perception got involved in my religion there was a similar result. I understood I was broken but I could not understand why God would want to forgive me. There are two important factors that have helped me with starting to learn grace. First, I had to understand that I was worthy of grace. I had to learn that I have Godlike qualities that benefit society and to myself. Then I had to surround myself and listen to individuals that had positive re-enforcement to my development. I am still struggling with trust, grace, and understanding that I am worthy. However, I have started to understand that I have had a misperception of myself and have been working on changing my views. I am not sure if this is helpful or just me blabbering, but I can understand where this individual's feelings are generating and think that the comments above are right on track.
is worthy of grace an oxymoron?
Good point. I would agree that being worthy of grace is a wrong approach. Technically, everyone is worthy of grace. Should the true expression be "accepting of grace"?
Whoa horsey, Isn't no one worthy of grace?
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